Fast food 🤢🤮!!! DAY 34
Aug 11, 2018
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7dulpZtN00g

[Music]
it's weekend can you tell how happy are
you it's the weekend cannot come soon oh
my gosh it has been so nice to finally
feel better I am just like yeah um so
you're probably wondering like why
mailing wine why I'm yelling colors know
what I'm wearing
odd colors so I'm wearing a dress and it
has the green art degree the other one
the pink so I did it tough match my
flowers and I will insert a daily an
outfit of the day hopefully it will show
it
you
I'm hoping but oh my gosh so today has
been so amazing honestly I can tell you
that I am feeling so much more stronger
I think physically because I'm finally
getting that ickiness out and just not
having so much of the infection and that
is such a great feeling such a graded
such an amazing feeling because it's
like you know when you're really
fighting an infection and you're sick
and you have oh sorry I'm moving you
guys around cuz I'm trying to find the
best the best day anyways when you are
fighting an infection of any sort or
just having medical issues in general
and you have such a big goal to reach
any day that is set bus like setting you
behind a little bit is so frustrating
like it is really honestly so
frustrating and I really was hesitant
honestly to not weigh in tomorrow
because I really know that my body feels
like it's just a little bit extra
swollen today in the last couple of days
I've just been feeling really kind of
just like wow and hmm excuse me and the
antibiotics that my doctor gave me
it has steroid in it to push the like
the antibiotic through really quick
because I had such a bad infection
because of the bleeding and all of that
made him give me a much stronger dose
and also just like a bounce of a steroid
involved so with the the steroid I
believe that that has helped make me
retain water because I've read that
and how that can happen and it doesn't
matter
see ya even got it next to me it doesn't
matter how many of these you drink if
you're gonna retain water due to
steroids it's just gonna retain I mean
you're just gonna do it so I was really
hesitant and I thought about it all day
I was just so what do i do do i way
enjoyed not way in out of fear of if I
don't lose am I gonna beat myself up
because you know I still stayed on track
to all week even though I haven't been
able to do my exercising that I really
wanted to get into which was the boxing
and the bike riding and all that good
stuff and so I just kind of took a word
with myself for a little bit and then I
thought you don't know knee knee knee
knee knee knee no we are not starting
that we are gonna weigh-in tomorrow and
whatever the skill says that's okay like
it's okay I had a really rough week I
mean I really honestly did but even
though I had a really rough week not
once did I beer off and say okay you
know what forget it I'm just gonna endow
her myself in everything under the Sun
and do my VIN gene as I would normally
because I was bummed and normally I go
to my binge because that's that's what
helps me that's what kind of makes me
feel good and I didn't do that I didn't
binge this week I didn't make those poor
choices that I normally would some time
I didn't and um you know I did start
getting my water kidding you know like I
started really drinking water once I
knew I had a kidney infection I was like
a little got a start and so I did but
that doesn't make up for the days that I
hadn't been drinking water um I still
think my kidneys are acting up and the
only reason why is because I am not
flushing enough for what I am in taking
so I believe my kidneys are holding on
to a good amount of fluid still so that
plays a drawback in my you know my
journey of wanting to lose weight
because if it's withholding fluid in
there and it's not releasing that
I'm gonna have water wait so it's just
like ah why why when I'm trying to do
something good for myself why is it all
of a sudden and now these things are
happening but I have to remind myself
like I'm still a human things are gonna
happen and this is a journey this is a
lifetime this isn't just you know only
gonna be for a week so I got to throw
everything in that needs to happen now
this is something that's gonna happen
for the rest of my life and there are
gonna be days weeks months where I may
be down and out a little bit medically
so just because I'm down in those ways
doesn't mean oka me throw the towel in
start binging and gain all your way back
like that's just not that's obviously
not the vision that I want for myself
and yeah it's hard being down but at the
same time I still have to continue to
push forward for what I want to succeed
in which is continue to lose weight
exercise the fact of healthy living a
healthy lifestyle and promoting the fact
that this isn't a temporary thing like
we are doing this for a lifetime so it
alls gonna work out in its own time but
as long as I'm not binging and I'm not
falling back into those temptations of
the past that's still a success
somewhere in that we're still succeeding
because I'm not going back to where I
was at one point which would have been
the Benji in the self-loathing the
hiding under a blanket and eating that
extra candy bar or going and getting
Taco Bell and not only getting in like
two or three items we're talking like
seven eight nine ten items so any way
around it I'm still succeeding no matter
which way I look at it so why wouldn't I
weigh in
why would I not weigh in why would I try
and hide from the number when the
numbers not doing anything to me it's
not hurting me it's just telling me hey
you know we did have a rough week um and
that's okay I'm here I'm alive I'm
getting better and
so long matters and I've got all of you
amazing people that keep encouraging me
and that just keeps me going even
stronger on my tracks because they don't
want to give up because they don't want
to let people down because it's all
about you guys as well as myself because
I've got so many amazing people that are
on this journey along with me and so I
am gonna weigh in tomorrow no matter
what I'm gonna weigh in and you guys are
gonna see it so yeah but I just even
getting back some of my energy has felt
amazing today I continue to do more
laundry because it seems like as soon as
mommy says ah the laundry is completed
somehow another basket appears I'm just
like where does this all come from like
hello I just did just say three or four
loads who is there more laundry when the
baskets were just they were completely
empty
and now I have a basket like full of it
well you know like towels and I'm just
like you guys just want to keep him you
want to keep me going right so I did
some more laundry today I kept the
kitchen completely clean every time that
there was a few dishes in the sink I'd
get up go wash them we have a dishwasher
but you know what that's a good movement
in my arms washing you know and so no
matter what I'm finding ways to continue
to move not overdoing myself but I'm
still moving and that makes me feel good
I was home again with the kids all day
and so it was mama duty like I had to
get up and I had to take care of the
kids I had to make them lunches I you
know I had to make them breakfast then
when dinner time came so today for lunch
Olli had come home for a little bit and
we were gonna run to Costco but it was
too busy it was too packed I think
because it was Friday night and I was
just like you know what and ain't gonna
happen because I can already feel myself
just like
um I hope that did not make that big of
a noise I'm sounded like in my head
anyways um so we went to Costco but then
we ended up not going and I hadn't eaten
because I had been so busy taking care
of the babies I forgot to feed myself
and so it was like almost three o'clock
and I'm thinking kind of in a little
hungry um so I was like you know what
can we were in by like Subway or
something like I really need to eat
something because we're still out and he
was like yeah and then I got thinking
about it's like I'm just not really in
first sandwich though so he's like well
why don't we you know do whatever what
else do you want and I'm thinking well
salad I can always do a salad so I said
why don't we go to Subway and get a
salad but now here's the here's the
trick with Subway's salads I have a big
issue because they chopped everything up
they chopped up the vegetables the
lettuce and everything and then the meat
to me it comes out very very mushy and I
can't stand that I don't like eating a
salad that there's no crunch or no like
it's just like everything mushed
together so I stopped eating the subway
salads because of that so today excuse
me today when ollie was gonna go in and
order it because the kids were asleep
and I was like I'll just stay in here no
point in waking them up or no Ezra was
awake asleep
Omer was awake so cuz this got ties into
my little story here so he went in and
he got this solid and he just told him
you know just can we please not cut
anything up just make the salad and I
just got a chicken breast salad so it
was really simple easy nothing to it and
then he put a drizzle of light ranch on
it so it was really good and I mean
honestly that's how I like a salad where
if I bite at a cucumber I want to bite
the cucumber I don't want to taste
cucumber juice and that's it like I want
to eat a cucumber so I got that and then
Omar was like freaking out because right
where Subway is there's a Burger King
smack in the same like parking lot and
he's like freaking out
burger fries I'm thinking oh my god um
not because of oh my god me but because
I really haven't done so good with just
you know keeping them eating like
whatever I am eating so I have subway
they'll have a sandwich but he was not
having the whole sandwich thing he
didn't want it he want a hamburger and I
was just like you know what oli Maya was
with a friend today so Ezra was asleep I
thought we can just run through the
drive-through let's just go ahead and
get him his hamburger and fry he's been
a really good boy today and so he can go
ahead and have that so we went through
the drive-through to get that and you
know we got it in the car and it didn't
even faze me two seconds like normally I
would be like looking over at the bag
and like I could I feel like I'm being
left out even though I have a sub salad
I still would feel like I am missing out
on something because I would prefer to
have a hamburger and fries versus a
salad so I always would be like thinking
in the back of my head like that I was
being shorted out somehow even though it
was my kids his food it didn't matter it
was just the thought that I was gonna
see now I wasn't gonna be able to have
that so in return what would happen is
that would trigger me a binge and then I
would find an excuse for why I needed to
go out for some given time and I would
go to Burger King and I would buy not
just one of the mills that we normally
buy for the kids but I'd buy two and I
would sit and eat it because I needed to
make up for the mill that I missed and
the mill that I wasn't gonna get it's
very sad it is such a sad thing that I
that I've suffer from and but today was
so different because it was like that
didn't even 100% did even faze me like
it smelt nasty it looked like it tasted
nasty although I would never say that to
my kids but it just did not look
appealing to me at all and so he ate
some of his hamburger he didn't even at
all and he was done with it and Ezra
stayed asleep so you know we just had
the bag sitting there and again
times I would sneak in there and grab a
couple fries you know and just be like
okay whatever Hank I know the difference
um just like you get the taste mm-hmm no
it's just the smell of the oil and nope
so then tonight now fast forward a
little bit tonight only finally got done
working and stuff in habits was getting
late it was like almost 8 o'clock and
I'm just like I'm burned out I'm tired I
have been cleaning all day taking care
of the kids so he was like he was gonna
make okra with pieces of meat and some
vegetables and are not a vegetable sorry
um salad and he was like do you just
want to make something kinda quick
tonight because you know clearly it's
already pretty late and it's gonna take
a while to cook and I'm like yeah let's
just I don't feel like I just want it in
the night like I seriously just need the
night and my kids of you know they've
been really good but you know when
you've gone all day since 7 o'clock in
the morning it's like yeah it's a
bedtime so we're sitting there and I
don't know what possessed me I guess the
naughty monster but I was like well how
many calories would it be for a Nancy's
burger which Nancy's here I don't know
if she's like mmm I know she's pretty
local but for Salem and I think she's
got one like in Kaiser but I don't know
like how far out her branches are but
it's a really good hamburger place they
make really good hamburgers it's
basically it's almost like a branch off
of five guys so if anybody has had five
guys five guys um it's pretty much kind
of the same thing all he was like Amy
those hamburgers are like anywhere from
1100 to 1400 calories and I'm like oh
really he's like no no joke I'm like
okay that ain't gonna work and I don't
really know why I even said that because
the hamburger doesn't even sound good to
me so that I was sitting there I'm sick
ohgod I don't want to sublease salad I
don't want to Subway sandwich I'm burnt
out what can we have and then
I went ahead and I was looking up some
Mexican stuff and we have a place muchos
Gracias and they sell like the real deal
type in Mexican food it's not like a
Taco Bell so I looked up and I was like
well you know the carne asada nachos
they're not that bad you know and I've
got plenty of calories to intake it so
I'm totally cool do you want to go ahead
and have that and he was like yeah
that's fine you know we could have that
we haven't had a very long time so we
got it and Wow like before okay
the mill itself I don't even have
anything that could remotely show you
the size of it it is a full order of one
of those takeout boxes like the white
ones case so we're talking and it was
and they're covered like full and it's
got chips and guacamole and sour cream
and the cardia saw the meat and I think
onions and then the cheese is melted on
there and it's they're big like it's
huge and before I used to eat that and I
would eat a bean burrito with it tonight
I ate it
I didn't even nearly eat half of it and
in fact I ended up by the end I left
over half of the chips and I was just
picking out the meat because I didn't
want to waste the meat part so I ate the
carne asada meat but I didn't eat the
chips of not many of them and honestly
I'm feeling sick like my stomach is kind
of bothering me and I think from the
grease and stuff from the chips and I
don't really know what else was in there
and the mix but it didn't it didn't
taste very good and all he even said he
goes this kind of doesn't taste very
good no he's the losing weight to
everybody he's doing this right along
with me I mean for the most part he's
everything I eat he's eating except for
like when I make my turkey sandwiches I
have it on flat bagel because of course
I'm only gonna have 110 calories versus
having the more calories for like a
normal white bread full sandwich but he
would have that but he
still he's lost I want to say 13 or 14
pounds since I started so yeah I am
really proud of him and it makes me feel
good because I even have an in-home
partner that's doing this with me on
this journey alongside with the kids
changing too but he even said it just
really didn't taste good and I think
it's because our textures of our taste
buds have changed and our taste of what
we enjoy has changed that honestly
eating something like that just isn't
enjoyable anymore like it's really
doesn't not taste good and he's like no
I kind of wish that we would have just
did Subway sandwiches or we just made
the food from home and I'm like yeah I
agree so you know I did eat out tonight
but it wasn't the best experience
because honestly we really did not enjoy
it and my tummy's a little bit yeah
sense of it but I mean it's it will get
over I mean it's not like I make any
sick from it but it just didn't agree
with me a hundred percent because I'm
not used to eating that way I mean it's
been well today's 34 days that I have
not eaten like that and it's been 34
days since I've had one soda and I still
have not had a soda it's all about my
flavored waters and that's it like I
don't even drink juice I don't do any of
that because all the extra calories are
just not even worth it to me but it's
all about learning as we go along and
that's kind of where I'm at you know
today you know I felt a little bit
sluggish you know just like I guess I
kind of had a little bit more of a
naughty um let's say a naughty taste for
things like my kids oh my gosh my
husband started last night he opened I
had bought cake frostings I was gonna
make my kids cake okay I don't really
like like cake like that like from those
box so it's not in temptation I mean
whatsoever so I was like you know I can
make them a cake and let them enjoy it
well today
I was in the kitchen I was cleaning and
Ezer crap crying she want a cake and I'm
thinking we don't have cake
well I open up the fridge to put
something away and she's pointing to the
frosting the frosting that I bought took
a frost a cake thank God I didn't go and
get the cake and make it before I add
the frosting because my husband decided
to open that up last night and feed it
to my children for a little treat men so
they were considering that cake so today
because mommy had to be the one to
deliver their cake what did I do
I had to like it first to make sure it
was safe how to make sure so momma had a
little taste for the chocolate frosting
and it really did taste good it did I'm
not gonna lie it did taste good but I
stopped myself like I didn't continues
to throw and eat it and eat it and eat
it like I know there was a boundary of I
tasted it off the spoon and I put it in
the sink like it was a done deal but I
noticed today there was a little bit of
you know like the muchas gracias the
chocolate frosting and that just can't
happen right now because I am too fresh
into this journey to allow myself too
much freedom we talked about because my
birthday is coming up in a couple of
well the 26th and so I don't I was
giving my husband the dinner menu that I
want for my birthday it's like oh we
have a mini adieu week I'm like mm-hmm
so I'm telling them what I want for my
dinner which was I told him I said well
I want um sirloin steak or a t-bone I
want my baked veggies and I want to sell
it and he's like salad with bacon easy
like that doesn't go together uh no and
I'm like excuse me whose birthday is it
he starts laughing he's like okay I'm
like um and then I was like you know and
I think I want to just get one pack one
pack that comes with like six yeah I
think it's like six for the one pack
um of cupcakes and that way I can have
one cupcake and everybody can have one
cupcake and then we're done it's out of
the house it's nowhere around and I can
enjoy that and celebrate my birthday and
still have fun because I'm on a journey
but it doesn't mean I have to withhold
everything out and he said well do you
think that that's a good idea and I'm
thinking I don't see why not
like I mean I don't see why not
so I'm thinking that's what I'm gonna do
I am gonna allow myself to have that but
I have to remind myself I'm only
allowing myself to do that because I
know that I'm gonna get back on track
and there's no getting back on track
just because I have a cupcake doesn't
mean I fell off track but know that the
following day the 26th 27th um then I'm
not gonna have a cupcake again and I'm
not gonna have a cupcake the next day I
know I'm only having a cupcake for the
celebration of my birthday and we're
done so that is kind of wearing out with
all of that because I you know I
definitely want to make my day a special
day and I don't see why you know that
should be something that I can't enjoy
in moderation so that's what the planean
is and that's what's on the menu so if
it changes I'll let you know and then
okay before I forget
okay so I've had people private
messaging me actually yeah two things I
have people private messaging me asking
me if I have an address or a post box
peal box because they would like to send
me something I just want to make it very
very very very clear I do not have a
peel box I am NOT opposed to getting one
but I don't want people to feel like
they have to send me things I enjoy
receiving gifts I rate enjoy
even encouragement through things I love
it don't get me wrong
who doesn't but I don't want anybody to
feel like they have to send me something
or send my family something because that
is definitely not not why I'm here
but yes gifts are amazing and wonderful
and they'll be gladly accepted but I
don't want that to be something that is
made to feel like you have to do but
before I go and get a peel box I really
kind of need to know if it's something
that I need to do because I don't want
to give up my home address and I will
tell you guys why in a second so I would
have to get a peel box but I don't want
to get a peel box and then just how it's
sitting there while I'm paying for it to
be there so I kind of just need to know
like if you want a private message me if
it's something that I should do if you
guys could let me know and then I will I
will go and do that and again I'm not
saying well I'm gonna go get a peel box
- y'all better be sending me stuff no
that's not it I'm just talking to the
ones that I've had messages from if it's
something you guys are really wanting me
to still do let me know I will go and
get one but I just don't want to get one
in and have it just sit empty because I
mean what it would be the sole point to
know that and then the reason why I
would have to get a peel boxes because
y'all I have a creeper I really do and
it's scary I don't know where this
person came from but he's not sure what
it is is a creeper so it started on here
they messaged me like just a comment and
asked if I would gladly accept a friend
request through Facebook at the time I
was like yeah that's fine you know I
don't have a problem with that so I
accepted the friend request and the
person started writing me private
messages and stuff and you know it's all
cool and stuff now mind you I am a very
busy mommy
wife
youtuber friend um I get on Facebook but
it's far and in between times of the day
I get on Instagram but it's far and in
between times of the day and YouTube I
usually check more often than anything
else and that's because I try to receive
messages and respond back to messages I
like to see what people are going
through and I also like to watch my own
YouTube people that I enjoy watching so
anyways this person was messaging me and
I was you know responding but of course
it was you know within hours of the
person writing and they said well it
seems like you don't like talking to me
so I guess I'm gonna go and I was like
oh my gosh I'm really sorry I don't mean
to be rude I just you know I'm trying
I'm really trying to get back to
everybody Sage's you know please know
that I will get back to you but it just
takes a little bit of time for me to do
that well okay so we got over all of
that so this person just kept messaging
me a message you mean just like random
weird messages but I just kept ignoring
him just like you know I'd respond to
the best I could to the weird messages
like not to make it a weird situation
but it was pretty strange so then like a
few days later I get a thing that this
person would started following me on
Instagram and they private message me
and they said hey I just wanna let you
know that I'm following you on Instagram
and this person was very adamant about
me doing body photos constantly wanting
me to post pictures of body photos now
if you go to my Instagram I do post more
picture pictures then I do on like
Facebook or even on here because on here
is really hard to do standstill pictures
because it cuts half of the picture off
and it moves so you're sometimes not
getting the full photo like I think
there was one one day that I had posted
and I had to end up rewriting it because
are taking it off of my
I had to edit it off sorry because it
wasn't working right so I ended up
taking that picture and posting on my
Instagram but this person was constantly
like well why don't you post more
pictures of body pictures I want to see
pictures of you can you sydney body like
you standing up in you know so I can see
your your like your body clothes not
naked or anything but I just want to see
your progress that's what it was and I
was like well you know I really haven't
made much progress in my body that I
feel and I just don't feel very
comfortable yet you know like taking
like full-body pictures to send out I
will post them as I feel you know that I
would like but I don't like sending them
out very often or posting them up sorry
not sending about so the comments kept
getting a little stranger and stranger
to the point where one of the messages
she said he/she I'm not sure if it was a
female name but I really don't know who
it was this person also let me remind
you on YouTube Facebook and Instagram if
you go to any of that person's profile
there is absolutely no pictures none it
is a standstill like account but there's
nothing on it that's what was even more
odd to me so this person that's what I
said it's a person because I really
don't know if it's man or woman
this person says could you send me or
can you take a picture of not we're not
being having your head covered because
you're you're beautiful anyways and I
responded back and said right now I
don't feel comfortable you know sending
private mez private pictures of not
being covered I'm really sorry
they responded back with I didn't ask
you to uncover yourself I have a nice
daughter grandma and myself I'm just
saying that you're very beautiful your
message did ask for me to uncover and
take a picture but I was like oh okay
and I'm sorry so I started getting
really weird vibes
I talked to Olly about I was just like
you know I'm really kind of certain
where Phil
little bit odd she was very very
possessive over my daughter like
constantly she constantly wanted me to
post pictures and send pictures to her
of my daughter and I'm just like no we
don't do that and I told her I said you
know she's like well I want to see all
of your kids can you send me pictures of
your kids I want to see your kids and I
was like well my kids are in my videos
sometimes like when I'm out and about
and stuff you'll see my kids like you
know but I don't like just sending
private pictures of my kids to people
you know I'm just sorry but that's just
me and that's because I dealt with a lot
of trauma in the past of you know abuse
and summoning just you know I like to
make sure that I'm protecting that as
much as possible so then she replied
back a couple days later and she says
well you're very sweet in your videos on
YouTube but when you talk one-on-one
you're very shady and you can take your
shadiness somewhere else I replied back
and said I'm really sorry that you feel
that way I am not trying to be shady
with you
I simply oh no no sorry that's sorry
backing up a little
she says that okay so she's responded
she's writing me a message and she says
who wants you because I don't tug it out
one of my videos because she was like on
one of your videos you said that someone
wants you who's wanting you because I
don't that's what it was and I'm like
who is this like this is really getting
weird so then she wrote about you know
that I'm really sweet on camera but when
I am on one-on-one I'm very shady and I
can take my shadiness elsewhere and I
just was like you know I apologized that
you feel that way
that's not my intention but you know
again like I've explained before I am a
mom of three kids I have a husband I am
busy I do my very best to get back with
everybody but I can't get back to
everybody all at one time and I'm not
understanding some of your questions
you're asking so when I replied
with huh or excuse me or what that
obviously is telling you I'm not
understanding the question you're
wanting could you please repeat it in a
way that I would understand it but at
that point I sent the message and then I
thought you know what I can't like this
is just getting a little too weird too
possessive and I am just like kind of
done so I went on and blocked her from
YouTube on Facebook Instagram it all and
I'm hoping that that will cover it and I
don't get a weirdo again because that
was really strange
sure I'll end up with another one but
let's hope no um but because of that I
feel very much that I need to protect
that privacy of my home and my home
address because I don't know like that I
don't know who that was and what if that
person was here in Salem somewhere and
they got my address then what would
happen and so I have to protect my
family along with myself and as much as
I love everybody and I honestly to the
depths of my heart don't believe that
anybody would have any ill heart to do
something wrong in a situation like that
that scares me enough that I have to
protect that so if it's something that I
need to do by going and getting a peel
box I will do that most certainly but I
just want to make sure that it's worth
me doing it before I go and do it
so as I've been rambling on I kind of
you know but I wanted to share with you
guys kind of what I had been dealing
with for the last couple of days just
because it was just kidding getting kind
of getting a little out of control and
today was just kind of the last straw
because I just was like okay I you know
it I don't feel that I'm being Shady
I hope that everybody understands that I
do try to get back to everybody at a
very timely manner I try and go through
all my message by the end of the night
so that I can make sure that everybody
is getting answered because I know
that's very very important and I've
never had a rude comment from not
getting back fast enough so I don't know
I hope that person will and I hope that
you know
whatever was going on with them that
they will get some help because
seriously there was something off there
anyway it's so tomorrow there will be a
weigh-in
yes there is going to be a weigh-in no
matter what you will see my Mickey Sox
and we will go from there starting
tomorrow because I just I'm feeling so
much better that I believe that now I am
ready to really start getting in and
busting but when it comes to my physical
activity again like I've said million
times I don't just sit though I am still
moving around doing things because I
know that that's still gonna help but I
also want to make sure that I'm getting
my real exercise in and I'm gonna bump
my water up even more and I can't really
do much more adjusting with my eating
because I really am eating what I'm
supposed to eat so with all of that I am
hoping that you guys had a wonderful day
today and that you all are gonna have an
amazing weekend because it's gonna be a
beautiful weekend and I can't wait to
check in with you guys tomorrow and give
you guys the update of how things went
and we will cross off my nuggets and we
will get going for the next week talk to
you guys later have a wonderful weekend
[Music]
